Let’s get this out of the way — there is no good way to objectively measure a coffee shop. Like David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive, you either like it or you don’t. However, for the sake of consistency, we have created a numbered grading system to link our subjective preferences to the realm of objective truth.
5 – As good as it gets. It literally can’t be better. This is the coffee that Gale made in Breaking Bad.
4 – A true pleasure. There is good, then there is a 4. This is excellent. If a cup of regular coffee costs over $3.50, it better be a 4.
3 – Worth your time, but maybe not your money. A 3 is mediocre and only a good value in context. For example, a $.75 gas station coffee is probably a 3, but it is worth it.
2 – A disappointment. Either the beans are burnt, the machine is broken, or someone just doesn’t know how to make coffee.
1 – Stay away. If you are a 1, you actively did something to be worse than a 2. This does not occur in nature.